Approaching women confidently isn’t about being born fearless. It’s about building the skills that create confidence — and putting them into practice.
This is the same system I walk my coaching clients through when they want to overcome approach anxiety and start meeting the women they’re genuinely attracted to. No pickup tricks. No forced personas. Just a process that works in the real world.
First: Let’s Get Honest About Confidence
Most guys think confidence is something you either have or you don’t. But in reality, confidence is a byproduct — not a starting point.
Men who struggle with confidence typically deal with one or more of the following:
Excessive expectations (“I have to get it perfect or I’ve failed”)
Harsh self-judgment (beating themselves up over every interaction)
Preoccupation with fear (focusing on what could go wrong)
Lack of experience (not enough reps in real-world situations)
Lack of skill (no training on what actually works)
The biggest lie guys believe is this:
“I have to feel confident before I can do what matters.”
But that’s not how it works. Confidence doesn’t show up before action — it shows up because of it. You might feel a burst of motivation after a pep talk or meditation, but it disappears the second you’re in front of a real woman.
The Confidence Cycle That Actually Works
Here’s how real confidence is built:
Practice the skills
Apply them in real situations
Assess what worked and what didn’t
Modify as needed and repeat
You don’t wait to feel ready. You get ready by doing.
Mental Reset: Stop Waiting for Perfect Conditions
Many guys get stuck in preparation mode. They read, watch videos, and rehearse endlessly — but they never take action. The truth is:
Rule #1: The actions of confidence come first. The feelings of confidence come later.
Information doesn’t create confidence. Only action does.
The 6-Step System My Clients Use to Beat Approach Anxiety
Here’s the exact progression I give my clients to develop approach confidence in the real world — one step at a time.
If you really want this to work, make sure to repeat each step at least twenty five times.
Pay attention to your tone, body language, facial expressions, approach angle, and enthusiasm. Be intentional about noting what works and doesn’t work, and adjust as needed.
1. Hold Eye Contact with Strangers
Start by holding eye contact with people you pass — men or women. Don’t stare or force it. Just hold the gaze until they look away.
This teaches you to stay grounded, present, and non-reactive. If you can’t hold eye contact, everything else becomes harder.
2. Give Closed-Ended Compliments
Next, give short, sincere compliments to strangers in passing:
“Hey, love those shoes. Have a great day.”
Keep it non-sexual, non-physical. You’re not trying to start a conversation. You’re just warming up your social muscles and getting used to talking without hesitation.
3. Give Compliments With Questions (Open-Ended)
Now add a question to your compliment:
“Love that jacket — where’d you get it?”
“Cool shoes. What are those?”
Say your piece, smile, and keep moving. You’re not staying to chat. You’re just getting used to quick, natural exchanges.
4. Start 30-Second Conversations
This is where you start going back and forth for a few exchanges. Ask a few light questions. Doesn’t matter what. Just get used to staying in the interaction past the first few seconds — without rushing or checking out.
5. Extend to 90-Second Conversations
This step matters. Around the 30-second mark, most people subconsciously start deciding if they want to keep talking or not — especially when it’s a stranger.
Expect some coldness. It’s normal. People are busy, distracted, or just not in the mood. Your job is to stay warm, grounded, and centered. That’s what makes this step so powerful — it trains your emotional resilience.
6. Go for the Number Close
Now you’re doing the real thing. You’ve built the foundation. You’ve learned to manage nerves, hold your frame, and stay present.
At this point, you’re ready to approach a woman you’re genuinely attracted to — and ask for her number.
What If You Still Struggle to Flirt or Build Attraction?
If you find yourself running into awkward silences, overthinking what to say, or struggling to steer conversations in a fun, flirtatious direction — that’s where deeper training helps.
Inside my free coaching community, I created a full video course called Attraction by Design. It’s already helping hundreds of men learn:
How to make conversations feel natural and playful
What actually creates attraction (it’s not looks or money)
How to break out of the friend zone and build real romantic momentum
If you’re ready to take the next step, join the free community here and start the course today.
Because confidence doesn’t come from waiting. It comes from doing.
