Hello gents!
If this is your first time on my blog, welcome!
I started studying attraction and communication as early as high school.
I hated the idea that women only found men attractive if they looked like a ken doll. Women are complex. To believe that physical attributes are the only way to attract a quality woman is simple-minded.
There is so much that goes into developing attraction, and 99% of it depends on what type of man you are, not the way you look.
Most people date on autopilot, waiting for the right person to fall into their laps. To find the right match, you need to live with intention and purpose. You need a vision for your life and relationships.
This is my comprehensive list of dating tips you can use to immediately improve your dating prospects.
1. Ask Great Questions
Men try to impress women by boasting and it’s a huge turn-off.
People will feel way more comfortable around you if you take a genuine interest in them instead of talking about yourself. When it comes to dating, it’s also good to add a little mystery to your relationship.
Don’t tell your life story on the first date. It makes things interesting for women when a man has some layers to peel back.
Read More: Top 50 Questions to Ask When Dating Online (try on Tinder & Hinge)
2. Be the Good Guy, Not the Nice Guy
Nice guys are afraid of rejection, so they resort to being super friendly instead of embracing their masculinity.
If you always end up in the friend zone, you need to find your edge. You can’t converse with a woman like a friend and expect an intimate connection to develop.
Nice guys play it safe. Stop playing it safe.
The guys that get all the girls confidently pursue the women they find attractive.
They aren’t fearful of others listening or watching as they flirt and converse.
They are not fearful of rejection.
They don’t worry about what others think. They see what they want and they go for it.
A nice guy believes that others will measure him by his successes and failures. A good guy knows his worth, and for that reason he can pursue what he wants without being crippled by the opinions of others.
Rejection is part of the game.
It’s unreasonable to expect every woman you engage with to find you attractive.
There are billions of females on this planet and they’re all looking for something different.
I’ve been publicly rejected more times than I can count, but if you asked my friends, they’d say I’m a wizard when it comes to women and dating. Nobody remembers the times I was rejected, only the times I sealed the deal.
Hold the door, not her purse.
Most women want a good guy who will hold the door, stick to his word, treat women with respect, work hard, and be kind to others, BUT, they also want a man who isn’t afraid to take what he wants.
There are always women who like to take advantage of that nice guys.
Make sure you respect yourself and don’t be afraid to call your girl out just because you think she’s really hot. Don’t tolerate things that make you unhappy because she’s dynamite in the sack.
Being a doormat will almost guarantee your relationship fails. Nice guys are boring, and women hate boring.
3. Be Assertive
Women like men that go after what they want in life.
Some of you might say “Oh, I could never be with a girl that attractive”. How do you know? You’ve probably never tried.
If you meet an attractive woman, don’t be afraid to let her know that you want to see her again. Make the first move. Don’t play scared.
Let the fear of regret drive you. If you never ask, then you’ll never know. Never knowing what could have been will haunt you, so take some risks and go after what you want.
The 5 Best Places to Meet Women (and how to approach them successfully)
4. Have a Life Plan
When I was 27, I started my first business. The quality of women I began attracting improved almost instantly. Why? Because most women don’t want to hop on a train to nowhere.
It’s not shallow for a woman to desire a driven man, so try not to think about it that way.
It’s more about a sense of security, and that’s something all humans desire.
This is real life, not college, so if you’re still coasting by in a dead-end job, it’s time to make a plan. Complacency is a turn-off. Ambition is a turn-on. Take that first step. Set some goals, create a vision for your life, and pursue it.
5. Practice Positivity
Nobody likes a cynic or a complainer.
I’ve always found the best way to keep a positive mindset is to practice gratitude. Count your blessings every day. Find the good in others. If you learn to have a positive outlook on life, it will improve a lot more than just your relationships.
When things aren’t going your way, make a plan to change that and handle your business.
Often times when life throws us a curveball, it’s the catalyst we needed for positive change. Address your problems head-on and put them behind you.
Leaving problems unattended adds stress and makes it very hard to be positive.
6. Get Your Home in Order
It’s crazy how many grown men have 10-year-old bedding, mismatched furniture, and empty walls.
Nothing makes a woman more comfortable like a clean living space and bedroom. Why scare away a potential partner when it takes so little time and money to get your home in shape?
If money is tight, go to Ross or Home Goods. Start investing in your furniture, bedding, décor, kitchenware, etc. The effort you put into your home says a lot about the effort you put into your life.
7. Expand Your Knowledge
A lot of guys stop growing intellectually after their young 20s. They go to college, get a job, and the growth stops there.
Add some depth to yourself. Travel and pursue new experiences. Study history, food, wine, art, government, politics, or investing.
The more life experience you have, the easier it is to find common ground with women when dating.
I have a friend who’s asked me for dating advice in the past. He thinks his problem is his looks, but I disagree. That’s all in his head.
The bigger problem is his lack of knowledge and experience. He’s barely left the state, and he hadn’t seen the ocean, yes, the freaking ocean, until he was 28!! Broaden your understanding of the world.
8. Be Recreational
Being a couch potato is terrible for your health, confidence, and dating life. If you want to find your perfect match, you need to get out of your house.
Go on hikes, walk your dog, hit the gym, take a yoga class, jog at the city park, or do anything active. This is an absolute must.
Men who live active lifestyles will attract significantly more women. You’ll also find you naturally meet more women by being active.
9. Stop Talking About the Glory Days
Women want to know about the man, not the boy.
It’s fun to share your history, but I promise nobody cares that your high school team won districts or that your frat threw the best parties.
The dating scene is full of men who are living fulfilling lives in the present day. Be one of those guys.
10. Be Choosy
Know who you are and what you want.
A great way to improve your dating life is to be specific about what you’re searching for. Don’t settle for less.
Have a list of things that are non-negotiable and make no exceptions. Life is too short to settle!
11. Learn How to Cook
We can’t all be iron chefs, but a good rule of thumb is to have at least 5 meals you can cook with confidence.
5 Delicious Meals Every Man Should Know How to Cook (step by step)
Maybe you’re the grill master or the king of Italian food, but you need to be able to cook. If you don’t have basic seasonings, condiments, and cooking utensils at home, this will make you look like a college kid. Be better than frozen pizza and takeout.
12. Have a go-to Cocktail (and wine)
You need to have one cocktail or wine that you can order confidently.
If you want to make a good first impression, no more long island iced teas and vodka cranberries. All the best places will have options for craft cocktails or wines that pair well with food.
Try an old-fashioned, Manhattan, or gin martini. The same goes for wine. Stay away from super sweet wines like Moscato and Red Zinfandel. Instead, opt for a Cabernet or dry white wine like Sauvignon Blanc.
13. Ditch Your Roommate
If you’re struggling in your dating and relationships, this can really help.
I know money can be tight but living alone will greatly improve the way women perceive you.
Imagine you’re on a first date and having a great time. You bring your date home, and as you walk in, your roommate is in the living room playing video games. I don’t know if there is a faster way to kill the mood.
14. Have a Hobby
You need at least one thing that you like to geek out on.
Make time for the things you really enjoy. It could be playing an instrument, dirt biking, or photography. Having something that brings you joy will make you more pleasant to be around, and more interesting as a prospect for a long-term relationship.
15. Refine Your Wardrobe
First impressions matter and the first thing people notice about you is your appearance.
Believe it or not, the subconscious mind equates good style with intelligence.
This doesn’t mean buying expensive clothes or dressing fancy but it’s important to have intention behind your outfits. Be calculated and think through your clothing purchases.
Stop wearing Costco sweats out in public and get some decent joggers. Ditch your beat-up shoes. You never know where you’ll run into your future wife, so make sure you don’t look like a bum!
Men’s Style Guide – 25 Essentials For Every Man’s Wardrobe
16. Get Your Money Right
Put this ahead of everything else on the list.
It’s extremely challenging to attract high quality women if you aren’t responsible financially. You don’t have to be rich, but you need to have your finances in order.
- Do you have savings?
- Are you managing your debt in a healthy way?
- Are you planning for retirement?
- Are you disciplined with your spending?
If you don’t have a financial planner, get one immediately. They are very affordable.
If you have money problems, create a plan and make your financial health your number one priority. Nothing will crush your self-esteem like money issues. It’s very difficult to enjoy a date when the entire time you’re stressing about the cost. That internal stress will be playing out in your subconscious, negatively impacting your body language and demeanor.
Again, you don’t need to be rich, but if you’re scraping by living paycheck to paycheck, or sitting on a mountain of credit card debt, address these issues before trying to meet girls.
17. Love is a Volume Game
“You miss all the shots you don’t take”
Man is that the truth! Start shooting your shot more. How does anybody get good at anything? They practice!
There are several things I guarantee will happen if you start approaching more women.
- You’ll get more comfortable and relaxed
- You’re conversational skills will sharpen
- You’ll score more goals
18. Read Books
If you’re still too immature to take an interest in reading, then you’ve got some work to do!
Books provide a vast amount of life-improving information. They can also keep your mind sharp and can be very therapeutic.
When I stopped watching TV before bed and started reading, my sleep schedule improved drastically. I’ve also read many self-improvement books that have significantly benefited my life.
Why not fill your brain with as much helpful information as possible?
Reading books will also bring a wealth of conversational topics into your arsenal. You’ll be confident having conversations in new arenas, and that helps a lot when you’re talking to women.
Start with 10 pages a day. It gets addicting.
19. Find Your Spirituality
Spirituality can also be another great way to connect with women.
Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad, Mother Earth, or the Universe. Be connected to something and find your spirituality. Chicks dig it. Even an atheist can connect with mother nature. Find a way to embrace the energy of the world.
20. Improve Your Grooming
This is an easy way to instantly become more attractive.
Haircut & Beard
A good haircut and beard trim can make a profound difference in how you look.
Some of you have had the same haircut since grade school. If your tried-and-true haircut has gone stale, try to have an open mind about new styles.
People subconsciously interpret poor grooming and dress as a sign of lower intelligence, poverty, and laziness. If you can afford it, find a local barber shop.
A good barber will know how to cut your hair in a way that compliments your features.
Below the Belt
You also want a grooming tool for below the belt. How you cut your hair below the belt matters, trust me.
Keep the sack short with a well-kept lawn above the rod. Think front lawn, not putting green.
Don’t go too short with your pubic hair. Going bald makes you look feminine, and stubble doesn’t feel great against a woman’s skin during intercourse.
21. Have Personal Boundaries
Often in the early stages of a relationship, men will make themselves overly available, and it comes off as desperate.
Don’t:
- Skip your favorite activity with the guys to watch the Kardashians.
- Drop what you are doing to meet her for a drink.
- Watch her dog while she goes to happy hour with the girls.
Unless you want to!
It’s great to go out of your way to make someone feel special, but if they are demanding or expecting these things from you, set boundaries.
Respect yourself and your time, and be comfortable saying no. It’s one thing to do nice things for someone you love, but don’t make a habit of letting people take advantage of you.
22. Stop Being so Eager
My mother told me this when I was a teen and it was sage advice.
If you instantly respond to texts or say yes whenever she asks you to hang out, you come off as an easy, low-value man. Any man worth his salt should be busy at least some of the time, whether with recreation, work, friends, etc.
If you have nothing to do 6 nights a week, then women aren’t going to find you very interesting, trust me.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder. Create distance and let those feelings swell up, otherwise, she’ll get bored.
23. Stand For Something
A true alpha male stands up for what he believes in. Know your morals and values and stand by them.
I remember one woman I’d been seeing for a couple of weeks who came to my house and freaked out when she saw a Christian magazine in my room.
I really liked her! She was hot and fun, but no way I was going to let her berate me for my spiritual beliefs.
Never negotiate your values just because this is the hottest girl you’ve met in 2 years. If you cave on these things, she won’t respect you and it will destroy your self-esteem.
Don’t hide who you are to gain the affection of others. This is how you become a broken man.
24. Get Involved in Something Bigger Than Yourself
An easy way to add happiness and value to your life is to get involved with charitable work.
Volunteer, donate, or get behind a cause. Giving back is a great way to increase your sense of well-being, and women always appreciate a man who cares for others.
25. Make Your Intentions Clear
Some people only want a physical relationship, and others want to get married.
Share your intentions right in the beginning.
Don’t hide what you want because you’re scared it will freak someone out. Why waste time on the wrong people?
26. Stop Talking About Your Ex
This is a cardinal sin.
If you want a strong example of this, watch the movie Crazy, Stupid Love.
If old relationships come up, keep it short. Save the details for when things are more established with your new fling. No need to go spilling the beans on the first date.
27. Don’t Air Out Your Dirty Laundry
We all have some skeletons in the closet. I know I do. Keep these things to yourself in the early stages.
I’m not encouraging you to lie, but there’s no need to talk about that DUI from 3 years ago on the first date. Share those stories for later.
28. Stop Playing the Victim
Want to turn a woman off fast? Keep a victimhood mentality and blame the world for your problems.
I came to this realization in my mid-20s. I spent a lot of my early adult years feeling bad for myself. I was a poor college dropout with a broken family and little to no help financially.
When I was 18, I had friends in college whose parents paid for everything, and here I was working at Wendy’s trying to get by on minimum wage.
Every job I applied for rejected me. People thought I was a loser. I cursed the world!!
Then, at some point, I took that pain and used it as fuel. I took accountability for my circumstances and put a lot of effort into improving my quality of life, and it worked.
Until you take accountability for your life, you’re not a real man, and you’ll never find a quality woman.
29. Make Peace with Your Family
Many people are looking for a partner with a close family.
Having a close family makes a big difference when it comes to marriage and kids, so try to mend any broken relationships if you can.
This doesn’t mean you’re screwed if your parents are divorced, but if you’re not even talking to your parents or siblings, try to resolve it or make sure you have a good explanation for why.
The healing that can come from family resolution will be big for your future relationships.
30. Take Stock of Your Life
I often talk about the five core areas of life that are important for confidence and successful dating. Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and financial health are all very important.
Take stock of these things and make sure they’re in good shape.
If you’re rich but your mental/physical health is in shambles, good luck finding a quality partner. If you’re ripped with a six-pack but you’re flat broke, that’s not going to work either.
Find balance in these 5 core areas of life so you can thrive.
31. Stop Talking About Yourself
It’s a million times better to ask people questions, especially women!
Men try to impress women by boasting. That’s a huge turn-off. It’s also a very common mistake.
People will feel way more comfortable around you if you take a genuine interest in them instead of talking about yourself. When it comes to dating, it’s also good to add a little mystery to your relationship.
It makes things interesting for women when a man has some layers to peel back.
One Response