We’ve all heard the saying that “nice guys finish last,” and it’s something many men have experienced firsthand.
Women don’t seem to be attracted to the “nice guy.” But why is that? Why does being nice often feel like it leads to rejection rather than success? I’ve had countless conversations with nice guys, and whenever I challenge their behavior, I notice they believe that acting any other way is rude, impolite, or even morally wrong.
Somehow, these guys have convinced themselves that there’s a sense of honor in always being nice, but the truth is that constant niceness can be a disservice. By always being agreeable, you’re not being true to your own feelings, and you’re certainly not reaching your full potential.
Even worse, many nice guys feel entitled to a reward for their niceness. But the reality is that niceness alone doesn’t bring value, especially in romantic relationships.
Niceness can make women feel safe, but it doesn’t excite them. It doesn’t ignite attraction or make them want to be physical with you. So what does? My friend Dax used to say that women want a “hybrid man”—someone who has a bit of an edge but keeps it under control. In other words, women are looking for a good guy.
The Difference Between a Nice Guy and a Good Guy
A good guy is respectful but firm. He holds the door but doesn’t carry her purse. He asks nicely, but only once. He doesn’t beg or plead for attention. If someone doesn’t treat him the way he deserves, he’ll address it confidently and directly. A good guy doesn’t hide behind passive-aggressiveness. He is straightforward and demands respect while giving respect in return.
Nice guys, on the other hand, tend to be submissive and overly concerned about being liked. They’re often afraid of confrontation and avoid uncomfortable situations. This kind of behavior, while polite, is not attractive. Women can sense when a man is too afraid to take charge or express his desires.
The good guy is polite but knows when to take risks. He isn’t afraid of standing up for himself or going after what he wants. He is grounded in his own self-respect and doesn’t compromise his integrity to please others. On the other hand, the nice guy sacrifices his own interests to avoid being judged or offending anyone, and that’s where he loses out.
Why Balance Is Key
That said, it’s important to avoid swinging too far in the other direction. Becoming an arrogant jerk won’t win you any points either. I’ve made that mistake myself, and while I saw better results than when I was too nice, it didn’t work in the long run. The goal is to find a balance between being fun and relaxed while maintaining seriousness and respect when needed. Women are attracted to men who can handle themselves, who can stand up to challenges, and who know how to balance kindness with assertiveness.
The takeaway? Be the good guy, not the nice guy. It’s not about being a pushover or a jerk—it’s about being authentic, confident, and assertive in your approach to life and relationships.
