Are you newly single? Struggling to have a great time on dates? Maybe you’re wondering how to make sure your first date is a success. If this is your first time on my blog, I’m glad you finally found me.
Following this guide is a great way to ensure you and your date have a good time. This will also greatly increase your chances for a second date.
To have a successful first date you must create physical attraction, keep things easy going, establish chemistry, find common ground, avoid critical mistakes, and be a closer. How do you do all that? Let’s break it down.
Read More: The 10 Best Sex Tips for Men (Proven Techniques)
1. Create Physical Attraction
We could also call this “creating sexual tension”. This one is important. The primary difference between ending up in the friend zone or in the bedroom is the presence of physical attraction.
The first date is no time to be meek. It’s common for women to regularly go on first dates, so this is your chance to stand out and make an impression. The last thing you want is for her to tell her friends, “He was nice, but something was missing”. What that really means is that you failed to create attraction.
So, how do we create attraction? We can start with a few basics.
No Handshakes
When you are meeting for the first time, no handshakes. Go right in for a hug. If she puts out her hand while you’re going in for a hug, don’t be deterred. Continue your approach, and with a smile, say “I’m a hugger”. If you go for a hug and back off of it, it can make for an awkward introduction. Move with confidence and she’ll follow your lead!
Handshakes are for friends and colleagues, not dates. The one exception is if it would be awkward. For example, if she’s already sitting at the table waiting for you, a handshake will do.
Deliver an Effective Compliment
Next, you should deliver a sincere compliment, and it MUST be delivered the second you two meet.
This is how you set the tone. You make it clear right away that you’re not here to make a new friend.
When delivering a compliment, I find it best to make eye contact and smile. Try to focus on something specific like her eyes, dress, hair, etc.
Imagine you’ve just arrived at the restaurant you and your date are meeting at. Now imagine you see your date waiting inside. As you approach, start taking note of her features and her outfit. Pick something that stands out, and deliver your compliment right as you say hello. Example below:
You – “Hi, I’m John” (smiling and going in for a hug as you introduce yourself)
Her – “Hi, I’m Jane”
You – “It’s really nice to meet you!” (still smiling)
Her – “You too!”
pausing a quick moment then
You – “Wow, you have incredible eyes” (with an air of surprise, almost acting as if the moment you looked into her eyes and were taken aback)
After she says thank you, you should quickly transition to avoid an awkward silence.
You – “Should we grab a table?”
This is a great way to start things out on a high note and make your intentions clear.
I highly recommend you avoid adjectives that we use for family members or in serious relationships. This means beautiful, pretty, gorgeous, etc. These are words we might use to describe our little sister, daughter, or wife. Remember, first dates are not about romance and mushy gushy compliments. They’re supposed to be fun and exciting!
Given the opportunity, I would say, “Wow, you’re a smoke show” instead of, “Wow, you’re really beautiful”. One is playful and fun, the other is generic and less flirtatious.
Pro Tip: Make sure your facial expression goes from genuinely surprised during the wow, to a confident smile after the compliment is delivered.
Mind Your Body Language
The majority of communication is taking place in our subconscious as it picks up signals from people’s body language.
When you slouch and avoid eye contact, people’s subconscious are profiling you ask weak and intimidated. When you stand tall and make eye contact, you are perceived as confident.
You need to sit up straight, keep your shoulders back, stand tall, and stop fidgeting. Basically, make sure you’re practicing all the good manners your mother taught you as a child.
Make eye contact consistently, but don’t stare. Orient your shoulders in her direction. If you’re standing at a loud bar or sitting at a sporting event, lean in closer, maybe even speak directly into her ear. The closer is the better.
Signal Attraction
As the date begins to get comfortable and the conversation starts flowing, it’s time to signal attraction.
These are the subtle ways we let our date know we find them attractive without saying it out loud.
This could be the slow up and down look like you’re checking her out (cause you are). You can also place your hand on her leg while laughing together, or touch her lower back as you open the door for her and she walks through.
A simple touch can spark loads of sexual tension.
Imagine if she hasn’t been on a date in months. That physical touch is going to send waves through her body, and that’s the goal. But the timing must be right. Making sure that the first touch feels natural will go a long way.
Pay close attention to her body language. If she’s making lots of eye contact, laughing, smiling, and her general demeanor seems relaxed, these are all good signs.
Close the Gap
The less physical distance between you two, the easier it is to stir up that sexual tension.
The best thing you can do is close that gap. It always seems a bit risky to make that move, but trust me, it’s a game changer.
Let’s pretend you’re an hour into your date and the conversation is flowing. You’ve already had your food and a few drinks, and as far as you can tell, things are moving along nicely. If she is sitting on the booth side of the table, you could say “I feel like I’m so far away from you” with a smile. Then ask if you can sit on her side.
Pro Tip: Always let the lady sit on the booth side
This opens things up for all that under-the-table thigh touching, and trust me, nothing gets the sexual energy building like touching the thighs.
You could also try this.
“I like your (watch, ring, nails) can I see?”
Then take her hand, compliment the watch or whatever, then lower her hand, continuing to hold it. You can even tell her you were just looking for a reason to hold her hand.
2. Keep Things Easy Going
First dates are supposed to be fun, so keep things light!
Remember, you want to make a good impression, not scare her away with a political rant. And keep it casual. Don’t take her to a dimly lit restaurant with white tablecloths.
Pick a fun trendy place with some music and energy, and make sure the place isn’t empty.
One big mistake many guys make is talking about negative subject matter on a first date. Or worse, getting way too serious. Don’t come on the first date expecting to find your life partner.
Don’t talk about falling in love, marriage, kids, or that one time you got arrested. Don’t talk about your ex-girlfriend or her ex-boyfriend. Don’t talk about your divorce or about how you were cheated on. Avoid anything negative. There will be a time and place for these conversations and the first date is not it.
Here’s my list of things you should never talk about during a first date conversation:
- Politics
- Religion
- World events
- How much money you’re making
- Sex
- Previous relationships
- Other women
- Your mom
- Drama
- Work (you can touch on this lightly and move on)
- Getting in trouble as a youth
- Party stories from high school or college
- Memes or online content you share with your boys
- Family hardships/your parents’ divorce
- Anything negative that could kill the vibe
Remember, you’re here to create attraction and develop chemistry, not talk about your problems. When she wakes up the next day, you want her to remember a fun evening, not the story about how your ex cheated on you. Don’t be a buzzkill!
3. Establish Chemistry
Establishing chemistry requires a conversation that seems to flow without effort. If you can create witty banter or use light sarcasm to poke fun, even better!
Ask Great Questions
The best way to create chemistry is to ask great questions and listen.
Listen to every word she says and remember as much as possible. The more you remember the better. This can pay huge dividends on date number two. If you can recall a small detail from your first date, it will let her know you genuinely took an interest in her, which means a lot.
Pay attention as she speaks, and be ready with follow-up questions to keep the conversation going. Being a conversationalist will help you tremendously in the dating world, and in life in general.
If you’re shy or struggle to create stimulating conversation, you probably run into a lot of awkward silences. The best way to avoid that is to keep asking good questions. A good question is an open-ended question that lends itself to lots of follow-up questions. Bad questions are yes or no questions, and those lead to dead ends.
If there’s a break in the conversation, be prepared with a new conversation starter. Avoid yes or no questions.
Try these open-ended questions to keep the conversation flowing:
How did you end up living in [state/city]?
How did you like your college/college town?
What was it like growing up in [insert place]?
If the initial answer to a question is short, do not start talking about yourself. Dig deeper, and ask follow-up questions. An easy way follow-up question is “What do you mean?” For example:
You – “What was it like growing up in Des Moines?”
Her – “Eh, it was okay I guess”
super lame response, but stay the course!
You – “What do you mean?”
At this point, she’s forced to elaborate, and if you’re paying attention, you’ll be able to use that elaboration as fuel to keep the conversation going.
And remember, this isn’t a job interview. You’re not here to grill your date. You’re just trying to get to know her.
Make Her Laugh
The second-best way to create chemistry is to make her laugh!
Not all of you are clever, witty, or sarcastic, but one thing every person can be is funny. The only time people aren’t funny is when they are trying too hard.
Be proud of who you are before you show up. Believe that you have a lot to offer and relax.
Use Sarcasm
If you have a rude waitress you could say “I think she really likes us” after they drop off your food
Poke Fun
If she can’t decide on an entree you could say “I love how decisive you are” (with a grin)
Self-Deprecation
If the waiter comes for your food order and you’re not ready “Oh geez I’m a mess haha, can you please give me another minute?” (with a smile and a chuckle)
These are just a few examples, but you get the idea.
Signs the Chemistry is Building
It’s always a good sign if she’s initiated physical touch.
For example, if she laughs at something you say and puts her hand on your lap or touches your shoulder, this is a tell-tale sign that she’s interested. Women aren’t going to touch you unless they’re comfortable with you.
If you notice the conversation flowed effortlessly and there was plenty of laughter, that’s fantastic! It’s true what they say you know, “Girls just want to have fun”. Always remember that.
Extend the Date
So the date is coming to a close, or is it?
Try this:
Schedule your date no later than 7 pm. At around 9 pm, see if you can transition the date somewhere more intimate.
A classic choice is picking a restaurant within walking distance from a speakeasy. After about 2 hours at the restaurant, ask your date if she would like to grab one more drink. Here’s how to do it:
You – “So I’ve been having a great time with you tonight. If it’s not too late, there’s a really cool cocktail bar around the corner and the drinks are amazing. What do you think?”
This is just one example, but if you’re feeling the good vibes, it’s always a good idea to capitalize and pack in as much quality time as possible.
If she says no, don’t view this as a rejection. A lot of women will play it safe on the first date, or in many cases, they’ve already had a long day and they want to get some sleep.
4. Find Common Ground
Any time I’m connecting with someone new, whether a lady or a new colleague, the first thing I do is try to find common ground.
These are the things you can build friendships and relationships on.
Look for similar interests, experiences, and hobbies. Maybe it’s a shared passion for sports or the outdoors. Maybe it’s the same hometown. Maybe both of you have traveled to South America.
As stated above, it’s important to ask lots of good questions. Half the reason you do that is so you can connect faster by finding common ground.
Online Dating
It’s good to build some rapport when having those initial conversations online, but make sure to save some questions for the date.
You don’t want to spend weeks going back and forth just to show up to the date with nothing to talk about. Online conversations should be quick and flirtatious, nothing more.
5. Avoid Critical Mistakes
In a lot of ways, chivalry is dead. But why?
Because a lot of things that used to be romantic or gentlemanly are now considered creepy or over the top. So, just in case you’ve been taking your dating advice from Grandma, make sure to avoid these mistakes.
Do Not:
- Take her on a lunch date
- Meet her at a coffee shop
- Bring flowers or gifts of any kind
- Ask to pick her up at her place
- Order her meal for her
- Text her multiple times before the date to make sure it’s still on
- Super stalk her social media accounts
- Try to find her on other dating apps
- Overthink things ahead of time
- Get wasted
- Be rude to the server, bartender, or restaurant staff
- Tip poorly
- Go to a fine dining/expensive restaurant
- Try to impress her with money
- Go somewhere that you’re a regular
- Go somewhere you’re likely to run into friends
- Go somewhere so loud you can’t talk
- Brag about yourself
- Be pushy about going home together
6. Be a Closer
What is the entire point of a first date? To get a second date.
You should ALWAYS be closing. In other words, always be moving towards the end goal.
If the end goal is to get a second date, then make sure you tell her that before the night ends!
Hypothetical situation:
Let’s assume you’ve just had a great date. The check is paid and it’s time to go. Make sure you walk her out. Whether it’s to an Uber or to her car, make an effort. Simply ask, “Can I walk you to your car?”. Not all women will feel as safe, so some may kindly decline the walk to the car. If that’s the case, don’t push back.
Being pushy can ruin things fast. You want to make sure the date ends on a positive note.
No matter where that walkout ends, you need to let her know you want to see her again. I would say “I really want to see you again” or ask “When can I see you next?”
If she does accept the full walk to her car, be prepared to make a move.
The First Kiss
The first kiss will likely determine if you get another date or not.
If it’s terrible, you probably won’t see her again, so make sure it’s not terrible. She didn’t let you walk her all the way to her car for boring, she’s here for fireworks. Give her fireworks.
If it doesn’t feel right, don’t force the issue. Just politely say goodnight. Typically, if a woman is interested in a kiss, she’ll linger a little during or after a hug. That’s your moment to make your move.
You can just go straight in for it, or you can tell her directly you want to kiss her. I’ve always had success with just saying it out loud and getting approval. There’s no shame in this. Some women will say it ruins the moment, but this isn’t the Bachelor, this is real life, and in today’s world, it’s always better to have consent.
Pro Tip: When you do finally kiss her, your hands should be doing all the work.
Have firm hands (not harsh or soft) and move them around her body. Grab the back of her neck, pull her hair a little, and touch her back. And don’t be afraid to go for a butt grab and even a slap at the end.
Embrace your masculinity, and believe me when I say that this isn’t overly aggressive, but it’s just the right level of assertiveness women like in a man.
Follow-Through
Assuming you did everything I mentioned above, you’ll have a really good chance of securing that second date or even going home with her the same night.
In my experience, it’s actually better to wait until date number two to hook up because it allows more time for that sexual attraction to build. That being said, I never waited if the opportunity presented itself. A lot can change between the first and second dates. Your window could close with a single text from her ex-boyfriend, so, ya, I never waited.
As far as follow-through, make sure you don’t get all obsessive and insecure.
Don’t start blowing up her phone with calls and texts. Don’t get in your head about how things went. If she doesn’t text you back for a day or two, don’t send more texts. NEVER double text after the first date. This means texting two separate times without a response.
You know she has your number and you know she saw your text. If she wants to see you again she will respond.
Texting more will only make you look sad and desperate, and it’s terrible for your self-esteem. Sometimes life happens, so it’s better not to assume that her lack of response has something to do with you. Practice some self-discipline and be on your best behavior!
Conclusion
The reason I know all of these recommendations work is because I needed game to compete for attractive women.
I was never the tallest, most athletic, affluent guy at the party. My teeth are still crooked to this day. I don’t have light eyes or hair. What I do have is determination and a wild fear of regret.
I didn’t want to sit on the sidelines while other men got to go find the women of their dreams. I didn’t want to wonder what would’ve happened if I took a shot at the super hot girl standing next to me on the sidewalk.
I hope that resonates with you. It sucks feeling like the other guy has all the luck. It sucks getting put in the friend zone. It’s humiliating getting rejected. I know better than anyone. That’s why I started this blog so that I could try and save you guys some pain.
There is a lot more we could cover about first-date success, but this guide is a great starting point.
Best of luck gents
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