Sexual Inadequacy is a major relationship killer for men.
Many men, if not the majority, are seriously slacking in the bedroom. If you strike out your first time in the bedroom, that girl is as good as gone.
If you strike out for an entire relationship, don’t be surprised when she looks elsewhere for satisfaction.
Here’s the good news.
Men don’t need to put on a Magic Mike performance every time they have sex. Start with these tips to step up your game in the bedroom. Just putting in the effort can make all the difference.
Read More: Reasons Your Girlfriend Breaks Up With You
1. Create Sexual Tension
Let things build up. Make her want it first.
To give a woman the ultimate sexual experience, you must focus equally on her mind and body. Much of a woman’s sexual satisfaction depends on how turned on she is, and that happens before you get naked.
What’s the best way to have great sex? Create sexual tension.
Example: Imagine you’ve brought a woman home after a date. You’re sitting on the couch talking and making out. This is when you can really build some sexual momentum.
Don’t go in for the kill after your first kiss. Instead, try this.
Kiss her passionately. Get into it, almost to the point where you could start undressing her, and then stop, look at her, and say, “Wow, that was wild.” Then pull her hair back (gently yet firmly) and stare into her eyes. Let the moment sit for a second and then transition. Stand up and say, “I need another drink. Can I get you anything?” and return to the conversation.
This allows her sexual energy to build. After grabbing a drink or glass of water, return to the conversation and immediately reestablish physical contact (like placing your hand on her leg).
Don’t get lost in the sauce, not yet. Keep paying attention and engaging in the conversation. Show her that you can handle the moment.
Look for opportunities to thread in sexual innuendo, but only if it comes naturally. If you force it, you’ll sound creepy.
“That dinner was amazing. I could’ve licked my plate.”
OR
After kissing, smirk with a light laugh and say, “We’re so fucked” (implying that the sexual energy is rising so high that neither of you will be able to control yourselves.)
It’s all about the implication.
Imply, without ever saying the words, that the sex will be amazing and that you’re fighting with everything you have to keep your hands off her. If you’ve done things right, she’ll be the one escalating to sex.
2. Read Her Body Language
A woman’s body will tell you everything you need to know.
Before you even think about advancing towards sex, first ask yourself if she’s enjoying the moment.
- Is she kissing you passionately, or is she hesitant?
- Are her hands engaging your body or remaining still?
- Is she making noises and breathing heavily, or does she seem uncomfortable?
Feel out the situation before escalating. If she seems hesitant, don’t push it. Reel things back and ease up on the kissing.
If this is your first time hooking up, it might be better to wait until next time. She’ll trust you more, making the first time that much better.
Read More: Top 10 Ways Men Kill the Mood With Women (and how to avoid them)
3. Don’t Rush into Intercourse
You’re the man, so you have to take the lead.
I can recall many times when I finally got the woman into bed, and she wanted to jump right into intercourse.
“Get inside of me” are some of the best words you’ll ever hear. And if she says that, you’ve done an excellent job of making her want you.
So, what’s the move? Dive in or make her wait a little longer.
Let her wait a little longer unless you think you could lose your opportunity. Undress her. Take your time kissing and licking her body in the most sensitive spots. Pull her hair back and lightly bite her neck. Work your hands up and down her body. Breathe down her neck.
Make her squirm.
Read More: First Date Tips for Men: Everything You Need to Know (Full Guide)
4. Put the Woman First
Oral sex is essential. If you can satisfy a woman before sex, she’ll be back for more.
What do I mean? Simply put – Go down on her before having sex.
Most women can’t orgasm from penetration alone, so clitoral stimulation should be priority number one. If you know what you’re doing, it will feel great for her and potentially make her orgasm before sex which is the best-case scenario.
AND
Intercourse always feels better for you (the man) after you go down on a woman. It gets things primed and ready.
Pro Tip: Being good at oral sex can help compensate for many sexual shortcomings. If you make a woman come before sex, she won’t care if you last 30 seconds or 30 minutes. She may actually prefer the former.
5. Use Your Hands
Your hands signal attraction and intention.
When you’re kissing, going down, having sex, or even watching a movie, you should be using your hands.
While Kissing:
Don’t just place your floppy hands on her body. Have a firm, masculine grip. This woman wants to be taken, so make her feel taken.
- Grab and squeeze her ass when you’re kissing her.
- Grip the back of her neck.
- Grab a handful of hair and pull her just far enough away that your lips barely break apart, then go back in.
And no, it doesn’t matter if it’s the first kiss on the first date.
Give her something to remember. During the first kiss, a woman decides whether to advance the relationship. If the first kiss is boring, she’ll assume the sex will be too.
During Oral Sex:
Move your hands down her torso and towards her pelvis area. Imagine you’re taking the energy throughout her body and moving it between her legs.
Graze her arms and legs with your fingertips. Squeeze her tits. Show her that you are excited to be down there.
During Sex:
Slap her ass. Make sure you give it a nice pop with your entire hand. Don’t be a bitch. Make it sting a little, but don’t make it painful.
If you’re doggy style, reach your hand around the front of her throat and squeeze from the sides. Pull her hair back and gently bite her neck at the same time. Use your fingers to rub her clit. Keep those hands busy, but not so busy that you seem ADHD. Take your time when you switch from one thing to the next.
Pro Tip: Whenever choking a woman, squeeze from the sides of her neck. You’re not trying to restrict the airway or break her voice box; you’re trying to slightly restrict blood flow. If it’s your first time with a new woman, start by lightly placing a hand around her throat and see if she’s comfortable. If she likes it, don’t be afraid to apply some light pressure. For most women, it’s more about the gesture of control than the actual feeling of choking.
6. Be Rhythmic
Sometimes women enjoy a good pounding, and that’s great, but it’s usually not their first choice. Of course, each woman is different, but most would agree that you want to be smooth and not as smashy.
I’ve heard plenty of women complain that men hump like jackrabbits. They think going as hard and fast is a good thing. I’m saying that there’s a time and place for that, but that shouldn’t be your go-to.
Find a nice pace where you can be firm and smooth and use your hips simultaneously. Instead of separating your hips to smash in and out, try to stay more connected and use your hips to slide in and out.
7. Communicate
Most women I’ve talked to prefer it when the man makes at least a little noise.
It can be uncomfortable, but women want to know you’re enjoying the sex too. I encourage you to work in some compliments too.
- You feel amazing
- You’re fucking hot
- Don’t stop
Stick to the basics. Less is more. As you get more comfortable in your sexual relationship, you can start to do more of what feels natural. If she seems into, work in some dirty talk. It’s risky in the beginning, but saying the right things can make all the difference.
Also, don’t be afraid to communicate. Ask her what feels good or how she wants you. Tell her what you like.
Remember, what’s going on in her mind is just as important as her body.
8. Don’t Apologize for Pre Mature Ejaculation
If you prematurely ejaculate, DO NOT apologize. It shows a severe lack of confidence.
Instead, pay the woman a compliment.
Laugh, smile, and say, “Wow, you felt incredible. I never stood a chance.”
Watch! She will laugh with you. Then you can ask, how about another drink and round two? Play it cool and make her feel like this happened because of how incredible she is, not because of a problem that you have.
Pro Tip: Look into men’s products that help with PE. There are plenty to choose from these days.
9. Create an Intimate Environment
What’s the first thing you need to make a woman feel in order to get laid?
Safe and comfortable!
If your house and your room look like shit, then she isn’t going to be turned on. Set yourself up for success.
Invest some money into decent sheets and pillows. Mop the floors and vacuum. Clean the sinks and toilet. Make sure that when you bring a woman home, she feels like she can relax.
Read More: Home Essentials Every Man Should Own (Updated 2023)
10. Have Good Pillow Talk
Nothing can ruin a great post-sex moment like serious talk. This is NOT the time for “Do you want to be my girlfriend, I love you, etc.” Save that for when you’re both thinking clearly.
Instead, keep the conversation light and fun.
If you’ve made a mess, help her clean it up. Be a gentleman. No need to make her sprint across the room, dripping all over the place.
Offer her some water or a beverage. If it’s a first date, don’t ask her to sleep over, but let her stay if she wants. If she leaves, offer her a ride. And for fucks sake, walk her out. All the way out. I don’t care if you go down 10 stories and walk another three blocks to her car.
Always be a gentleman. No exceptions.
2 Responses
Awesome advice – really concise and helpful!
Thanks, Oisin!