Men have a knack for ruining a good thing.
I’ve been guilty of this too. It sucks when a woman is interested in you, and you find a way to blow it.
The good news?
Most of the things men do to kill the mood are easy to avoid. Often, men don’t even realize what they’re doing or how they’re coming across.
Sometimes when we don’t know where to take a conversation, we resort to inappropriate topics.
The best advice I can give you is to ask more questions. Even if your question sucks, it’s better to be boring than offensive, and it will buy you more time to think of something better.
Here are the 10 Biggest Ways Men Kill the Mood
1) Talking About Past Relationships
Your Ex
No woman wants to hear a man talk about his ex, especially in the early stages of a new relationship.
It’s healthy to share positive takeaways from a previous relationship, like things you learned about love or yourself. However, if you’re harping about how your ex cheated, it’s a buzz kill!
Remember, girls want to have fun, and listening to you complain is not fun.
Imagine you’re having a nice date, and your lady is getting hot and bothered, thinking about going home with you. Then you decide to talk about your ex. The sexual energy just flew right out the door.
Talking about your ex can make it appear that you haven’t moved on. This can make your new partner feel insecure about your feelings for them.
Her Ex
If your partner has a habit of talking about their last relationship, nip it in the bud as early as possible.
Why would you want to listen to her rant about an old lover?
And PLEASE
Don’t ask stupid questions you don’t want to know the answer to.
“Am I better in bed than your ex?”
What a ridiculous question. How is she supposed to answer that if you aren’t better in bed? She either has to lie or destroy your ego. Why put her in that position?
I promise you won’t find the validation you need by digging into her past.
2) Acting Distracted
Whatever you’re doing can probably wait.
Scrolling and zoning out on TV are fine, but not when your lady is trying to talk to you.
If you’re really in need of some alone time, then communicate that upfront. Don’t passively ignore your partner when spending time together.
It makes your partner feel small and like you’re not interested in what they have to say.
Do this long enough and your woman might start looking for attention somewhere else, and you don’t want that.
3) Talking too Much About Themselves
As a general rule of thumb, you should always spend more time asking questions of others than talking about yourself.
When you take a genuine interest in others, it makes them feel like you value them, and they usually reciprocate that. On the flip side, when you spend all your time boasting about yourself, it turns people off to you.
When it comes to women, boasting and bragging can be detrimental.
It doesn’t matter how cool your life is or how much money you make. If you act like a self-absorbed jerk, you’ll kill the vibe.
4) Checking Out Other Women
I know this can be challenging.
We’re all human. If you see a beautiful woman walking by, it’s natural to want to check her out, but if you’re with a lady, practice self-control.
Imagine if she was staring at every handsome guy that walked by. You’d feel like she wanted to be with someone else.
This is still something I have to make a conscious effort to avoid. It’s so easy to get complacent, but if you get caught slipping, it can ruin the night.
And here’s the worst part.
Chances are that if your lady catches you checking out another girl, she won’t even mention it. She’ll punish you in some other subtle way, and you’ll have no idea what you did.
Keep your eyes on the prize.
5) Talking About Work or Money
This is a buzz kill, no matter who you’re talking to.
Most people want to leave work at work, so why bring up your boss during dinner? The idea of going out is to have fun and leave the bullshit behind, so don’t be that guy.
As for money, it makes most people uncomfortable when people talk about how much money they have.
It also makes you look insecure and like you’re trying to overcompensate. It’s best to leave these subjects alone.
6) Talking About Politics or Religion
There’s a time and place to have these discussions, but if you’re out for one of your first few dates, this can kill the chemistry.
In my experience, politics is never an enjoyable conversation, even if the person you’re talking to agrees with your position.
Religion is an important conversation for couples thinking about a long-term relationship, but not for two people on a first date.
Why spend time diving into the complexities of spirituality when you’re still establishing a romantic connection? Table these discussions for another time.
7) Complaining
Try to be the guy that finds the good in everything. Chicks dig that.
Being a cynic does nothing but push people away. And focusing conversations on negative subject matter takes away all that fun energy that should be flowing while you’re spending time with a lady.
Avoid complaining too.
Imagine you have a reservation at a restaurant, and the host gives away your table. Now it will be a twenty-minute wait. That’s frustrating for sure, but you know what’s worse? Making it a big deal and complaining about it.
Instead, your effort should go towards creating a fun conversation to pass the time. Don’t let small inconveniences steal the fire.
8) Talking About Sex
This is never advised.
If you’re not already sleeping together, there is never a good reason to talk about sex.
This is always going to be a red flag. In fact, one of the arts you should master is the ability to create sexual tension without talking about sex.
There are many clever and subtle ways to stir sexual energy without making it seem like that’s all you want.
9) Being Rude to Her or Others
What’s the opposite of being rude? Being a gentleman.
Make that your full-time job.
When you’re rude to the waiter, Uber driver, or bartender, it’s a huge turnoff. It makes you look small and insecure.
When you use flattery and kindness to make people smile, it’s extremely attractive. It shows women you exude confidence. It draws others to you, and when you learn to do that, women will naturally draw closer to you as well.
10) Talking Poorly About Themselves
Self-deprecation can be funny, but only when it’s about little things.
For example, the waiter is back a second time for a food order, but you were too busy conversating with your date. You can look up to the waiter and say, “Oh geez, I’m a mess. I promise I’ll be ready the next time you come back. Thank you”.
Another example is you take a sip of your drink and spill a little on your shirt.
Instead of being embarrassed, look at your date and smile, then say, “I’m a disaster.”
When delivered with a smile and a laugh, it comes across as lighthearted.
A poor example might be saying things like:
“I suck”
“I always mess things up”
“I’m such an idiot”
“I’m sorry I’m not good at this”
“I’m such a loser”
These statements make you seem like a person with low self-esteem, and that’s not what most women are looking for.
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