Boredom – It’s like a disease to a happy relationship.
Look, I get it. Life gets busy.
It’s a story as old as time.
- We fall into daily routines and patterns.
- We get tired.
- We lose that luster and energy that came so easily before.
- Bills need to get paid.
- Work takes over.
- Kids come.
- We get into debt.
There are a million excuses that people come up with for why their relationships go dull.
But do you want to know the real reason relationships get boring?
A lack of effort.
And that sad part? It doesn’t take much effort. Truly. There’s not a thing on this list that will require a strenuous amount of thought or planning.
The most important thing to keep in mind is that life is short. Much too short to let everyday stresses rob you of enjoying life with the person you love.
We’re all going to bed dead soon anyway, and we only get this one shot at life, so why would you let it waste away. Why let your relationship turn into a monotonous daily routine?
I guarantee that if you and your partner start doing these ten things, boredom will be the last thing that comes to mind.
1) Pursue a New Goal Together
“Joy comes from making progress towards a goal, and the bigger the goal, the more joy you’ll experience as you move towards achieving that goal.”
– Jordan Peterson
This works on a personal level, but it works magic between couples.
When a couple sets out to accomplish something together, it bonds them in many ways.
- You’ll get excited at the prospect of obtaining your desired goal together.
- You’ll respect each other more for sacrificing and having the discipline to get what you want together.
- You’ll appreciate each other more for making the commitment together and sticking to it.
And then, once you achieve your goal, you’ll enjoy it together because it’s something you did as a team.
It could be something small, or something big, but as a unit, you should always have a short list of things you’re working towards as a team.
It could be saving for a bathroom remodel or a new home. It could be achieving the fitness goals you set for yourself. It could be starting a business or creating a side hustle to increase your combined income.
The most important part is to make it realistic and to set a timeline.
Write down an actionable plan and pursue it relentlessly. Hold each other accountable. Be patient with each other because nobody is perfect. Remember that as long as you don’t give up on your goals then you’re in great shape.
2) Seek New Experiences
Humans are creatures of habit, but that doesn’t mean you need to fall into mundane patterns.
We all know those people that go to the same restaurant every date night or always vacation in the same place, but why? It’s okay to have things you enjoy together, but it’s important to get outside of your comfort zone.
That’s what the human experience is all about. We’re meant to pursue things that give us that childlike wonder, and you can’t find that eating the same meal for the 50th time and your local Italian restaurant.
Make a point of doing things that are new for both of you. There are an infinite number of things you can explore.
- Magic shows
- Comedy shows
- See a new artist in concert
- Take dance lessons
- Sky diving
- Hike a fourteener
- Scuba diving
- Surfing
- Traveling
- Camping
- Paragliding
If you’re not outdoorsy, embrace something artistic like music or painting. Go to a science museum. Buy a fun cookbook and geek out in the kitchen on some new meals. Try a new type of cuisine that neither of you has ever had.
You get the point.
When life becomes mundane, it loses its color. Keep your life colorful.
3) Have Something to Look Forward to
Always have something to look forward to.
I mean it. At all times there should be at least one thing on your calendar you can get excited about.
My personal recommendation? Have at least one fun event planned each month, and get out of the house, even for a staycation, at least once a quarter.
I know cash can get tight sometimes, but if you value your relationship, budget for things you can enjoy together. Maybe instead of eating out 3 times a week, you reel it back for a while so you can take a trip together.
Plan a vacation. Buy concert tickets for your favorite artist. Schedule dinner with a group of friends. Plan a spa day. Break up your busy lives by putting fun activities on the calendar.
4) Celebrate Each Other
Find every excuse you can to celebrate each other!
Make a point of letting your partner know that you’re happy to see them do well.
- When your partner gets a raise or promotion, make it a big deal!
- When your partner does something to make you feel special, reciprocate that!
- When your partner does a good job getting back in shape, let them know you’re proud of them!
- When your partner improves a character flaw, tell them how much it means to you!
Sometimes celebrating each other is as simple as making a sincere statement of gratitude for them. Sometimes it’s a nice dinner and a bottle of champagne. Sometimes it’s a gift. Do whatever is within your means.
Make a conscious effort to be mindful of your partner’s wins and to let them know that seeing them do well brings you joy. It invites so much light and positivity into the relationship.
5) Be Unpredictable
When you become too predictable, things become boring. Boring leads to overthinking and fighting.
I’m sure you’ve heard your partner say, “I knew you would say that!”
This isn’t always bad, but if you’re hearing that a lot, it may signal that you need to change things up a bit.
Maybe you need a behavior change, or maybe it’s a change in mentality. If we become complacent in our growth as humans, we tend toward close-mindedness and cynicism.
One of the best ways to be unpredictable is to always focus on personal growth. As we evolve and recreate ourselves we change our patterns, beliefs, and philosophies.
The are other ways to be unpredictable as well.
- Randomly take work off early to pick up your partner and take them to happy hour.
- Set a new personal goal that’s outside your comfort zone.
- Change up your style.
- Change the way you approach sex and intimacy.
Keep an eye on your life patterns and daily routines, and don’t be afraid to make in-the-moment decisions that change things up.
Don’t be uptight and boring.
6) Push Each Other Out of Your Comfort Zones
I remember the first time I got my fiancé to cliff jump.
She was terrified, but I pointed to the 10-year-olds that were jumping and surviving and told her she could do it.
We were on vacation. I jumped off the cliff first and swam back ashore. At that point, she was ready to head back to the hotel. I told her “We’re in Hawaii. When are we going to have the chance to come back and do this again?”.***italics
That resonated with her.
Eventually, she mustered up the courage to try and jump. She got to the top and froze for a moment. I continued to smile, wave and encourage her, always keeping a positive and gentle tone.
After about a minute she jumped and was so thrilled that she did it! She pushed out of her comfort zone, and I could tell she was proud of herself. I was just as excited for her.
These small moments make for great bonding experiences, and your partner will appreciate that little push that helped them create a new memory.
It’s also important to remember that this is a two-way street. Try to be open-minded when your partner gives you that little push.
If your partner wants to try new food or go to an event that doesn’t appeal to you, try to find it in yourself to explore these new things with them.
7) Do Something Risky Together
I had sex with my wife in her office.
It was exhilarating.
Everyone was supposed to be gone for the day, so we were the only ones there, but it was still a rush (and a fun memory).
Something else me and my wife had never done is go to a nude beach.
There’s a legit nude beach on Oahu and we decided to give it a shot.
I don’t even remember how we found out about it, but we both laughed a little at the thought and said f**k it! Let’s go.
We parked the car, took a couple of shots, and went down. I must admit it was quite the rush. Being fully nude in front of a bunch of other people was exhilarating. We swam naked in the ocean and lay in the sun with everything out.
When we left, we were both glowing. We aren’t particularly exotic in our sex life, but that was a fun way to push the envelope and get the sexual energy flowing.
Try doing things together that seem edgy or taboo without exposing yourself to any real negative consequences.
8) Be Spontaneous
Live life in the moment. Not everything needs to be scheduled and planned.
One thing that’s done wonders in our relationship is when we make last-minute changes to plans. We go with the flow and the energy of the moment. Maybe our plans sounded fun yesterday, but now they don’t, so we change them.
Sometimes we’ll go into a day with no plans, pick a starting point for brunch, and then bounce around town.
You can also think of clever ways to surprise your partner and do something fun.
One of my favorites is getting off work, calling my wife, and telling her to throw some clothes on because we’re going out for dinner or happy hour.
It’s the little things that go a long way.
9) Add a Little Scandal to Your Sex Life
This might not be for everybody but see if you can find a way to make your sex life a little edgy.
That doesn’t always mean the physical act of having sex. Sometimes its what you’re doing that leads up to sex.
My wife and I decided to get a hotel downtown and meet at a nearby bar while pretending to be strangers. She sat at the bar, and I sat one seat away. I was wearing my ring. She wasn’t.
I started a conversation as if I was hitting on a stranger.
We made up background stories. I told her I was married and away on a work trip. I seduced her over several drinks and a couple hours of conversation. Then I took her back to my hotel room. We proceeded to devour each other. I 10/10 recommend this.
You can also try randomly sending each other nudes and dirty texts.
Or you can try new things in the bedroom. If it doesn’t work out, who cares? Might as well give it a shot and see if anything gets you ticking.
10) Surprise Each Other With Fun Plans
Make a surprise reservation for dinner weeks in advance.
Book a couples massage.
Get a babysitter and have sex all night.
Make sure your partner doesn’t have anything on their schedule, and then I recommend giving them a week or so notice. It gives them something to look forward to all week.
It also lets your partner know that you were thinking about them, and most of the time the gesture that means the most, not the surprise itself.
