Finding common ground can be broken down into one goal: Find a way to relate to people’s answers to your questions.
Where are they from? Find a way to relate.
What do they do for fun? Find a way to relate.
What’s their favorite place to travel? Find a way to relate.
Whatever it is, your goal is to let them know that you are, in fact, a like-minded person, at least to some degree, because you’ve shared similar experiences.
Here are the best ways to do precisely that.
Chase Experiences
One time I connected with a girl because I had just attended a concert the night before, and she loved the artist. It began a conversation for us, and she told me about her experience seeing the same artist and others like them.
I’ve also connected with women by discussing places I’ve traveled, events I’ve attended, etc.
Here are some things you might try that can add some character to your life:
– Hunting, shooting, fishing
– Camping
– Hiking Fourteeners
– Boating
– Traveling
– Concerts
– Shows and Plays
– Festivals
– Sporting Events
And this is true of finding common ground with all people. The more you pursue fun experiences, the more relatable you become. People think, oh if John went to this concert, he must be an alright guy. It also makes it easy to keep the conversation rolling.
When you get into a routine of doing the same things and going to the same places every weekend, your life story loses its vibrance. You want to come across as fun and interesting, not a bar regular who goes to the same happy hour every Friday.
Top 50 Questions to Ask When Dating Online (try on Tinder & Hinge)
Be Intentional with Your Questions
You want to have a plan when engaging in conversation.
Is it to flirt? Then you better know how to connect the dots and take the conversation from friendly to flirty. You do this by asking the right questions, but some questions don’t require answers.
Let me explain.
As you’re asking questions and building common ground, your goal is to find a way to make her laugh and smile. This can be done by using subtle one-liners.
Example:
You: Where are you from?
Her: Los Angeles, what about you?
You: I’m from Boise
Her: What brought you to LA?
You: They don’t have girls like you in Boise – Smile, then immediately transition to your serious answer.
You will immediately shift the energy from friendly to flirty; in my experience, women will match your energy. Now you’ll have her smiling and eager. You will have created sexual tension. And the best part? You were charming without being too forward. You didn’t come right out and say, “I think you’re beautiful,” which is easy, boring, and desperate.
Read More: Passive Dating Approaches
Keep Your Answers Short
In case you haven’t heard this already – women are not impressed by men who like to talk about themselves. At least not the type of woman you want.
When a woman asks you a question in conversation, it is best to be concise and not over-explain. You need to give her opportunities to peel back your layers. It would be best if you shared about yourself naturally as the conversation flows.
Don’t take a question about what you do for work and ramble for the next 5 mins. A quick answer will suffice. Allow her to ask a follow-up question if she chooses.
Bragging and boasting are forms of overcompensation, and women know this, even if subconsciously.
You want to build some mystique around who you are and give women something to pursue and dig into. When you put all your cards on the table in the first conversation, you rob them of the chance.
Each thing you share about yourself is used to build a profile of who you are.
Assumptions will be made about you and the kind of person you are. Your personality. Your income. Your social prowess. Your political and religious beliefs. All these things are being worked into a woman’s subconscious as the conversation evolves. And the more boxes she checks, the faster she can eliminate you as a potential suitor.
But.
By keeping things short, you give yourself more time to let your personality shine through and avoid getting boxed in.
If you’re only talking about yourself, you’re failing to build common ground because the entire idea is to get them talking and then relate to whatever they’re saying.
